Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize