he thought i was a dude.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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