can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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