Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
