We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
