i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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