May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize