When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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