sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
