you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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