I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I smell like Dick and happiness
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
