am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
