I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
