i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
