you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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