u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you didnt know i had herpes?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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