these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
