How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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