I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
