There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
