What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
