If that was your dad, he is hot
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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