Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think a kid would responsible me up
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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