im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
