Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we have pet lesbian snakes
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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