3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
