Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
