I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
