Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
