My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
