Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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