all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
