There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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