That's intense
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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