So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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