Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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