Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
