So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
