so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
