I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize