so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
