When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
