and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
