id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
NoShamevember. You game?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
