Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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