thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
