is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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