As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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