I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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