hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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