Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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