just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize