Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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