WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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