I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
