do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
