Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
