marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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