I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
