My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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