So drunk its hurt
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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