Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
