Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
