go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
