So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
