I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
