this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
