Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize