Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
