Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.

(256): View more from Alabama

that was the beginning of the end.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna

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(513): View more from Ohio

I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

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(714): View more from California

We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.

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(815): View more from Illinois

You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.

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(514): View more from Quebec

He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?

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(330): View more from Ohio

A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.

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(519): View more from Ontario

all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays

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