I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
