I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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