I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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