I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
