There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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