there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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