I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
