Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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