angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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