Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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