I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
