no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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