i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
