Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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