Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
