Too much gin, very little bucket
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
